Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Behind Closed Doors

You want to know what people say about you after you've separated for the night? Ask a cabbie.

I pick up young a couple outside a popular Back Bay bistro. They hop into the car and direct me to the North End. I punch the meter, and put the car into gear.

"Whew! I'm so glad you did most of the talking," the guy says. "I don't think I could have done it."

"Why not?" she answers. "He's one of your best friends."

"Since he moved in with her, he's become one of those guys we used to make fun of after they've moved in with their girlfriend. 'Yes dear'... 'No dear'... 'Can I get you anything else, dear?' He's practically turned into her butler. I mean she's very pretty, but what a pain in the ass."

"I think he must have sensed that from you because he opened up when you went to the bathroom."

"What'd ya mean?"

"I mean, he let his guard down and talked to me."


"And he said he's very much in love with her..."

"Yeah, so?"

"But they've never slept together."

"Really? You gotta be kidding me! And they've been going out for a year, living together for nine months, sleeping in the same bed?"

"She told him that she respects him too much... that she's just not ready; that she's waiting for, what, I don't know, that perfect moment, I guess."

"Oh gawd... now I know it."

"Know what?"

"That she's sleeping around. There has always been something about her that bugged me. Something... I don't know... I guess you could say I had a hunch about her. But now I know it. She's just using him as a meal ticket until something better turns up."

"Wow. Can you imagine? It's like having all the worst parts of a relationship but none of the good parts."

"And he's like some poor schlump trying to push a boulder uphill while eagles are trying to peck out his eyes... aarhg! aarhg! aarhg!"

They both laugh. I'm grinning broadly, trying my best to keep from laughing out loud myself.

After the next block, they ask me to pull over. Right here's close enough, they say.

"You know what?" she says. "Maybe you should talk to him. Try to get him to see the light."

"No way," he answers as he reaches across to hand me a crisp $20 bill, telling me to keep two bucks for the tip.

"Why not?" she asks.

"Because he's gonna get his heart broken by this bimbo, that's for sure. And when it happens, it will be so awesome!"

They both laugh again. As they climb out of the car the woman leans in before shutting the door, "Gee, sorry you had to hear all that."

Not a problem, I say. Actually, you made my night.


  1. Oh that's too funny! Why do we all feel we can be as forthright in the back of a cab? Almost like a confessional. :)

  2. Hi thanks for posting on my 'Adventures of a Taxi Driver blog', there you said about cabbie requirements in other cities, well here is our association's website, take a look.

    phca stands for Preston Hackney Carriage Association.

  3. that's a good read. thanks for sharing. i drive a cab in new york and i write about what i hear and see too. check it out:

  4. hey i was reading your blog, after finding the link on Adventures of a Taxi Driver blog based in preston england.Your second paragraph mentions the "north end" which confused me a little, as our football team here in preston is called "Preston north end" and is always referred to as "the north end" see here
    Good blog by the way!!