Monday, February 9, 2009

Twenty Questions

Before being let out on my own. The owner wanted me trained, so he had me ride around for two nights with Pat, a veteran driver of 30 years. Pat, the onwer said, "is one of the best," "a guy who's seen it all."

Pat's a white guy, pushing sixty, with bottle-thick glasses and carrying a beer gut that looks like he's swallowed a beach ball. Over it stretches a gray, coffee-stained sweatshirt that perfectly matches his gray, coffee-stained sweatpants. Topping it off is a ubiquitous Boston Celtics cap that I assume will be replaced by a Patriots cap come fall. For a moment, I wondered if this was what I'd look like in 20 years.

Most of the time, Pat sits on a cab stand, either outside one of the hotels or at the airport. He doesn't like crusing so much, catching street hails, explaining that it's a waste of gasoline, and most of those jobs end up being short jobs. He hates short jobs. He tries to boost his chances of getting more airport runs, which typically run between $25 and $40, depending on where the fare is going to or from. His strategy means he also spends a lot of his shift killing time on a cab stand.

All this time just waiting around gives us time to talk. Pat it turns out grew up in the projects in Charlestown, after which he went into the military, which he hated. He then got a job at a bank, which he hated more, so he quit, and began working in his brother's construction business, which he liked okay, but then he got hurt and had to quit. He then started driving a cab, something he's done ever since. I asked him if he ever thought at the time that he'd be doing it 30 years later. Pat gives me a kind of perplexed look, and tells me no, he never thought about it one way or another. What does he like about it? The freedom: no one's lookin' over your shoulder. You set your own hours, go at your own pace. Also, adds Pat, he likes people.

I then ask him the usual "Twenty Questions" about driving a cab: Ever driven a big-time celebrity? Just Bob Villa, television shill and former host of This Old House. Ever been held up? "Nah, I can usually smell trouble before it happens--in which case I won't give the guy a ride." Anybody ever have sex in the back of your cab? "Jeezuz Christ, no way. I wouldn't let that happen." Anyone ever thrown up in the cab? "God no, and I don't intend to ever let that happen, either."

A week later, I was driving my own cab. I got a call to pick someone up for an early morning airport run. I pulled up to the address and two women were sitting on the front steps, waiting for me. While I put the suitcases in the trunk, the two hugged and the old woman then got into the cab.

On the way to Logan, the woman began knawing on an apple and chattering on about her trip to visit her son and grandson, about how cute the kid was and how difficult it was to keep the tot interested so she'd invent games to play with him, but then he came down with a flu and she felt so sad for him but was also afraid she might get it herself; about how she regretted how far away they lived and how she hated to meddle in his son's affairs but worked really hard not to...

I was nodding, wishing she'd just shut up. I had just pulled into the tunnel that goes under the harbor to the airport when, all of sudden, she coughed and then fell silent. I turned around to see if something was the matter. She was bug-eyed with her cheeks ballooned out. As soon as I saw that, I had one of those moments when you realize something awful is about to happen. The next moment she spewed all over the back of the seat. But we were in the tunnel; there was no place to pull over. I immediately rolled down her window and she graciously stuck her head out and wretched over the side of the car until we reached the other end, where I could then pull over. I handed her a wad of napkins wedged into the pocket of the door. She got out and did her best to clean up, flinging off bits of apple mixed with cereal. Pale and shaking, she apologized, saying she hadn't thrown up in years. I assured her it wasn't a problem; happens all the time.

I dropped her off at the terminal, gave her the suitcases and suggested she might want to change clothes before the flight. The next two hours I spent at a self-serve car wash cleaning up the cab. It looked okay, but I wasn't quite sure, figuring my nose had been innured to the smell. There was only one way to find out.

My next fare was a long ride to Beverly with a businessman on his way to an important meeting. He buckled himself in, and told me where we were going. A young, friendly Irish guy, we talked about sports and his various travels en route. The fact that he didn't say anything told me I had cleaned sufficiently.

We were about halfway there when I turned around and noticed that stuck on his shoulder belt was a fleck of regurgitated apple. Horrified, I kept him talking, hoping he wouldn't notice, trying to think of some lame excuse if he suddenly stopped mid-sentence and asked, "Excuse me, what's this?" Luckily, he didn't. At his destination, he got out and gave me generous tip, after which I flicked the belt clean and gave the cab another going over. The rest of the day passed uneventfully, although when I handed the keys to the night-shift driver, I again worried he would ask, "Say, what's that funny smell?" I didn't tell him what happened. I figured I'd hear about it if he noticed.

So far, not a word.

1 comment:

  1. please try not to discontinue your writing. it's as addictive as i found melissa plaut's blog to be, and she never wrote again. it could be about anything. not just cabs. you know, in the future.